Audrey A McGee

Look! Look! We’re halfway through this series that I should have finished a year ago!

Eh, it’s fine. Y’all are hanging with me.

It’s surprisingly difficult, for some people (me included) to accept praise gracefully. Either you’re unused to it, or you have such a keen sense of your own shortcomings that you don’t allow praise of any kind to get through.

You might end up shaking your head at a compliment, or saying, “Thanks, but I really should have done this better,” or some other form of deflection.

This may seem like your own defense mechanism of making sure that you keep getting better, that you keep improving constantly because you never feel good enough.

I’m here to both bless and ruin your day.

I’ll ruin it first.

Your knowledge of your own shortcomings isn’t big enough for you to grow into what you should become. You shouldn’t base your growth on your own standards and criticism, because frankly, you can’t see all of your own problems the way other people can.

You have to learn to accept other people’s compliments if for no other reason than it lets you accept their critique as well.

They aren’t going to give it if you keep beating up on yourself — they’ll see that you have enough to get through. They’ll keep giving you compliments that you can’t even accept, making their praise meaningless and their meaningful critiques held back.

My best practice of this is from any time I’ve received a quarterly or yearly review.

At the end of each quarter of my internship, my supervisor for the quarter would fill out a form describing how I did, how I worked.

(I think I struggled on punctuality on every form… thanks, ADHD.)

But here’s the thing —

I can only handle their critiques, those points where they see I can grow, if I know that I’m doing a decent job in their eyes. I have to be able to accept their compliments and affirmations, otherwise I’ll be too discouraged to keep going and growing.

Here are some of the comments from my supervisor at the end of my internship:

“Audrey is incredibly professional, passionate, and hardworking. She is also ambitious and drives herself in her work. Audrey was most successful with directed tasks with clear communication on priority. Ongoing tasks with no specified urgency or deadline were more challenging and sometimes things were forgotten or slipped down the priority list until prompted.”

What a lovely little bittersweet pill to take, huh?

That’s the thing, though — I know that, DESPITE my struggles, I was STILL a good intern. I must accept the praise so I can take the critique and learn from it with a hopeful attitude.

Something I’ve learned is that, although people think of humility as being this self-effacing, self-depricating attitude, it actually goes hand-in-hand with confidence. And not the confidence that people see with “fake-it-till-you-make-it,” macho ego charisma vibe.

Humility and confidence come from an accurate understanding of your identity.

As long as you know where your strong points AND your weak points are (as pointed out to you by people you respect and trust), you can walk into a job or an internship with a quiet, assertive understanding that you’re meant to be there, even as you continue to grow.

So, to bless your day:

Learn to take the compliment. You’ve earned it, friend.

Cause after giving a few more notes on how I could grow, my supervisor signed off with this: “Audrey has been great to work with. I am very excited to see where she goes next and in her future career.”

Thanks, boss.